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Old 08 Jul 2002, 14:30   #11
Trapped in Dreams
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thank you...

I can see you through...
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Old 09 Jul 2002, 15:47   #12
big in japan
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Im sorry
but my words dont mean anything
your lost is so big
a brother / sister is the most close person that another person can have
i know i feel that way about my sister
she is my other half and even more
Im so sorry <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

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Old 12 Jul 2002, 00:43   #13
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Alien, I don't know you, but it's shocking to learn that someone loses their brother.
I remember my father telling me (maybe my brother was there too) as a child that my brother and I should appreciate eachother because your brother or sister will be the one still there in your life after everyone else is gone. When I look around I see how this is true for other people, but my brother killed himself when I was 14. He was 2 1/2 years older than me and my only sibling, so from the time I was born we were together. My mom says that I was always in awe of my brother and tried to be just like him, and he must be completely imprinted in my comprehension of the universe because I find myself always seeking him in other people. My exes all reminded me of him in some way, good or bad, and I think my relationship with Mark combines the better aspects of both my relationship with my brother and my father.
I remember having experiences similar to those that you describe now. On one hand, it's good that you don't have to deal with the anger and blame and guilt involved with a suicide, but on the other hand it could be more tragic because it wasn't your brother's choice. You'll go through all sorts of feelings about this, and though I know I've gained a lot of compassion (yes, really) and insight and perspective and wisdom (yes, really!!) and appreciation for life from the experience, Trent is right that you never get over it. When I lost my brother, I still had to do all my high school years, so that was a bit of a distraction from my feelings at the time, but it's no wonder I hooked up with a guy and then was ready to marry him soon after. My father had lost his only son who worked the farm with him since he was very small, so a year after he died (and incidentally, at the same time I got involved with that guy), my father discovered he had cancer. Three years later he joined my brother. The last thing I remember my father saying in the hospital was that it would be nice if my brother could visit. I got to spend a lot of time in the hospital with my dad before he died, so for awhile it seemed like I mourned for his passing more than I did for my brother. But I think the truth is that after my brother died, I had too much else to think about - high school, my dad's illness, my troublesome relatives, college, getting married, moving, finding a job, getting unmarried, other boyfriends, not having money, joining the military, leaving the military, meeting Mark, moving again...And now that I've had a few years where things have slowed down and I have time to think, I realize that I've only recently started to mourn for my brother. 10 years have gone by, and it's still no better than when it happened! I mean, I miss my dad because he was my father and I admired him and looked up to him more than anyone else ever (well, my mom, too) and because I trusted him and he believed in me...but it's the natural order of things for grandparents and parents to die before their children. My brother should still be here for me to talk to if I want, just like all my parents' brothers and sisters still are. And my dad got to live as an adult and realize himself, but my brother never even got to grow up!
But really, who am I to say that the universe should be different? It is just as it is, and while I miss my brother here on earth, he has been released to cosmic meadows now, and I need to worry about my own life. The pain won't always be as acute as it is for you now, Alien, and you won't always be crying, but maybe you'll find that things will matter to you more or you'll try harder to do the right things or try harder to go see Alphaville in Germany...and it does help to hear that you aren't the only person in the world who has had to bear the pain. Last Christmas I bought the a-ha DVD on ebay from a guy in Scotland, and I learned that his older brother was killed and then afterwards his father died.
There is nothing good about losing a brother, but you do become aware of how much we all need eachother and how bad it is when
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Old 12 Jul 2002, 19:17   #14
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hi Alien

yes, comforting words are really hard to find in these situations. i just wish i could give you a big hug or ease the pain in someway...
i know the feeling you have about that a part of you is dead, i felt the same when my granny passed away two years ago. but still its a lot more different when young ppl die, and no one under 70 has died from my relatives or loved ones.
i know its going to take some time before you get through the worsest part of the sorrow, but if you need someone to talk to when you are ready for it, you know im here for you.

take care*hugs tight*

I'm just a shadow-You are the light
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Old 12 Jul 2002, 20:11   #15
Trapped in Dreams
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thank you all for your warm words...
I know the pain will stay with me forever... and I'm trying to think about good time we spent together... it helps a little bit...
reading all your messages make me feel not so alone... thank you!

I can see you through...
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Old 13 Jul 2002, 19:37   #16
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I only just found this topic. My thoughts are with you at this awful time.

As other have suggested it's hard to know what to say, just please believe that your friends here are thinking of you, and wishing you hugs and comfort.

All my best wishes and love


##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but I am ##.

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Old 17 Jul 2002, 15:32   #17
Ariana Dreamer
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Alien. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you and your family.

look what you've done - it's time for the Phoenix to fly
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Old 18 Jul 2002, 16:51   #18
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*Big hug from Finland* <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

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Old 08 Feb 2003, 20:41   #19
Trapped in Dreams
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He could be 17 today...

You know I remember that morning of the 8th Februaty in 1986. I woke up but none of my parents were near, only our family friend. My mama was taken to maternity-home... Later after my brother's birth my father took me there and we saw mama in the window. I sat on my father's shoulder and waved my hand. And I was happy to have little brother.

I loved him very much. And even if we had fights they always ended up like that

Poor boy even had to bear when I put flower wreath on his head...

We used to play together - cars, dolls, lego and other toys not mentioning hide-and-seek and other active games. + climbing trees.

When he went to school and began celebrating his birthday with his friends I took part in it. I entertained them. I loved him and his classmates.

Mitya... that's how we called him though his official name was Dmitry. He could be crazy... He could be wild... He could be fun... and he could be an angel...

Look... he's pretending that he built that card-house. His tower is left one... mine is right one... We were making it together disturbing each other. That was fun.

A couple of years he was addicted to Formula One. And whole family watched the races.

But his true love was guitar. He took his first lessons when he was 9. And kept improving his skills with every day. Sometimes we annoyed our parents with our wonderful concerts. He played and I sang. Sometimes that was ok, but sometimes really awful.

In 2001 he made one of his dreams come true. He formed the band. He was the leader there. He wrote songs for them. He could play every instrument there.
That's my brother and his best friend

He's in another place more than 7 months... And I miss him very much...

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Old 08 Feb 2003, 21:15   #20
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Alien, these photos are very special to look at, because a life is celebrated here. He looks like a special person, which you obviously already knew. Now the rest of us can see a bit of his life. Such a shame it was cut short.

I wish I knew what to say, I know you will be thinking of him a lot at the moment. So now are the members of the forum.

Love and hugs

"I've had many sobering thoughts in my life.... was them what drove me to drink!" [drunk]

Grandad, Only Fools and Horses (UK sitcom)
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