Aaaaaargh - I must have bad karma - this week sucks - Page 4 - Alphaville Forum

Mags · 27 Dec 2003, 08:59

*in desperate need of venting...*

Sorry but just today. I have just been lectured for over 4 HOURS by my mom...I did not pay 877euros and travel 5000 miles to listen to all this. First of all, don't I realize how lucky I am to have been born in the US? Don't I realize what a great priviledge it is to be American? How can I be happier in Germany when America is better in pretty much every way? Oh but it only developed from there, WHY didn't I go to grad school in the US and get out of Utah before? My mom remembers the specific situation that caused me to change my mind about going to Pennsylvania for grad school just as well as I do, except she thinks she said one thing, I remember very clearly her words that made me change my mind, but she insists she never said that. Okay...but we have to go through all that mess that made the summer of 1999 so horrible (that was AFTER the Alphaville show...). Finally she's saying that she just wants me to keep an open mind and to remember that human relationships are the most important thing (like I would disagree with that, some of you know very much how I am about relationships...), and to understand that true friendships take years to grow and do I really want to throw all that away? Is Berlin really worth it? Apparently 27 is too old for starting to develop new friendships, I pointed out that I would never had stayed in Utah and had I returned to New England instead of moving to Germany I still would have had to start making new friends....oh but that is completely different. Otherwise at least I would still be in AMERICA and not having to learn a new language and a new culture. It doesn't matter one bit how at home you feel somewhere.

**insert ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTE break here, in saying goodnight my mom said how sad she was that I didn't talk to her anymore, I gave a small reason why...I'll never learn [ashamed]. My sister keeps telling me whenever my mom is like this, to simply nod and say yes, nod and say yes ... and my mom wonders why I don't say what I am thinking anymore. She says over and over again, I just wonder where Margaret is going personally when she is 27 years old and has known only unfortunate people...now that she has gone through every guy I have liked in the last decade that was so obviously wrong, what is wrong with me anyway [cry]? Great now we are on to a girl who was in the newspaper who killed someone when she was 16, just got out of jail and was killed herself the next day...yes it is very sad, how does this relate to me again? I keep making the wrong choices somehow...she says I have to move away from paths that lead me to the wrong sorts of people...a decade of listening to this

...I have just moved to Germany 5 months ago and yet I have been following the same path for the last 10 years????*

Well now I can't think anymore. Three more days and I can go back to Berlin....

By the way, (acc. to my mom) friendships made through loving the same band mean nothing. Music is great and all, but true friendship goes much deeper.

And note to the Americans in the forum, I don't have a problem with the US in the slightest. It is just that I prefer living in Germany and my mom's words make me want to throw up after a while.

slam · 27 Dec 2003, 09:47

Dear Mags, these kinds of things said by your mother sounds very familiar at least to me, they do. I have faced plenty these kinds of situations/arguments with my father. Especially these kinds of jail stories you told is something I've heard many times. You just have to live your life the way you feel the best. Your mother is too worried about you, but you just have to keep telling her 'I'm a grown up, I can take care of myself'. It makes you feel angry, yes. That's for sure, but you just have to live with that...

Kaz · 27 Dec 2003, 11:09

Dear Mags
I feel so bad for you. You were/are so brave to take on a whole new life and it is normal to expect your mum to back you up. And as for not being able to make new friends at 27, god there's no hope for me then! We make new friends all the time - that's what life is all about. I've made some great friends here (you are one special friend to me in particular, as are Clare and Elena) whom, at the moment, I'd be totally lost without.

Stick to your guns. There's a whole world out there to be explored and you've taken the first gigantic step. I'm proud of you and I wish I'd been just like you at 27.

poul e · 27 Dec 2003, 11:15

@Mags: It seems to me that it is a good thing that you now live far away from your mother! She seems too overprotective and wants to shape you in some image she has in her head of how you should be. It's a good thing that you moved to Germany so she can't decide what is best for you. You are now a grown woman and she needs to realize that! And what's that about music friends not being real friends?? If common interests doesn't make people become friends I don't know what does!!?!?!

wii · 27 Dec 2003, 11:23

@Mags, tell you mom that are an adult now, not just a little 12 year old girl ! She really sounds so arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...! And people are never too old to get new friends, to say otherwise is just plain stupid. It´s just her own insecurity that makes her say those horrible things to you, and a good mother would never do that.

Agnes · 27 Dec 2003, 12:49

My dear Mags, I can truly understand your feelings, it was exactly the same with me and my mother when I decided to follow ISKCON. Be sure that if she can see that you are happy now living in Germany, she will give up these "lectures"... And if she said that you must keep an open mind, then one of the most important things for an open-minded person is to be able to make new friendships at every age

and learn new languages and new cultures... Besides, if she really cared for you and if she was really a loving mother of yours, she would now be happy that you made your dream come true - only BY YOURSELF. As for me, I'm proud of you. Don't care what others say. Remember that line: "Hello, my love, here's to your heart/Release that dream into the world..."

[love2]

FallenAngel · 27 Dec 2003, 16:16

Yes Mags, listen to the wise words of Agnes!

We are all proud of you! And we are happy that you feel so good in Germany.

Alien · 27 Dec 2003, 21:58

for me it's hard to understand how mother could be like that...

Don't waste your nerves in vain, Mags.. Do what your sister tells you... just nod... and don't pay much attention while you're there.
One day your mother will change her mind.

and if friend who love the same band are nothing I'm hopeless...

Mags · 28 Dec 2003, 02:54

*now Mags is smiling...*

Thanks so much you guys!

Two more days then back to Berlin for the Silvester and German beer!!!!

Can't wait!!!!! [bouncy] See you soon Kaz [smile2]

JaJaJa · 28 Dec 2003, 13:57

*relieved*

Greetings to you, dear Mags. You know what you want, you´ll make it. Have an excellent Silvester!

[sonar]

27 Dec 2003, 08:59	#31
Mags Moonshine Join Date: 11 Feb 2003 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 1,984	in desperate need of venting... Sorry but just today. I have just been lectured for over 4 HOURS by my mom...I did not pay 877euros and travel 5000 miles to listen to all this. First of all, don't I realize how lucky I am to have been born in the US? Don't I realize what a great priviledge it is to be American? How can I be happier in Germany when America is better in pretty much every way? Oh but it only developed from there, WHY didn't I go to grad school in the US and get out of Utah before? My mom remembers the specific situation that caused me to change my mind about going to Pennsylvania for grad school just as well as I do, except she thinks she said one thing, I remember very clearly her words that made me change my mind, but she insists she never said that. Okay...but we have to go through all that mess that made the summer of 1999 so horrible (that was AFTER the Alphaville show...). Finally she's saying that she just wants me to keep an open mind and to remember that human relationships are the most important thing (like I would disagree with that, some of you know very much how I am about relationships...), and to understand that true friendships take years to grow and do I really want to throw all that away? Is Berlin really worth it? Apparently 27 is too old for starting to develop new friendships, I pointed out that I would never had stayed in Utah and had I returned to New England instead of moving to Germany I still would have had to start making new friends....oh but that is completely different. Otherwise at least I would still be in AMERICA and not having to learn a new language and a new culture. It doesn't matter one bit how at home you feel somewhere. *insert ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTE break here, in saying goodnight my mom said how sad she was that I didn't talk to her anymore, I gave a small reason why...I'll never learn [ashamed]. My sister keeps telling me whenever my mom is like this, to simply nod and say yes, nod and say yes ... and my mom wonders why I don't say what I am thinking anymore. She says over and over again, I just wonder where Margaret is going personally when she is 27 years old and has known only unfortunate people...now that she has gone through every guy I have liked in the last decade that was so obviously wrong, what is wrong with me anyway [cry]? Great now we are on to a girl who was in the newspaper who killed someone when she was 16, just got out of jail and was killed herself the next day...yes it is very sad, how does this relate to me again? I keep making the wrong choices somehow...she says I have to move away from paths that lead me to the wrong sorts of people...a decade of listening to this ...I have just moved to Germany 5 months ago and yet I have been following the same path for the last 10 years???? Well now I can't think anymore. Three more days and I can go back to Berlin.... By the way, (acc. to my mom) friendships made through loving the same band mean nothing. Music is great and all, but true friendship goes much deeper. And note to the Americans in the forum, I don't have a problem with the US in the slightest. It is just that I prefer living in Germany and my mom's words make me want to throw up after a while. Open your eyes and let the sun break in for a while...there may be something that you've never seen inside...

27 Dec 2003, 09:47	#32
slam Invisible Impact Join Date: 08 Jan 2003 Location: Seinäjoki, Finland. Posts: 10,312	Dear Mags, these kinds of things said by your mother sounds very familiar at least to me, they do. I have faced plenty these kinds of situations/arguments with my father. Especially these kinds of jail stories you told is something I've heard many times. You just have to live your life the way you feel the best. Your mother is too worried about you, but you just have to keep telling her 'I'm a grown up, I can take care of myself'. It makes you feel angry, yes. That's for sure, but you just have to live with that... "Miksi luonnolliset ja helpot asiat eivät voi olla luonnollisia ja helppoja toteutua?"

27 Dec 2003, 11:09	#33
Kaz Her... Join Date: 22 Jan 2003 Location: Bucharest, Romania Posts: 12,459	Dear Mags I feel so bad for you. You were/are so brave to take on a whole new life and it is normal to expect your mum to back you up. And as for not being able to make new friends at 27, god there's no hope for me then! We make new friends all the time - that's what life is all about. I've made some great friends here (you are one special friend to me in particular, as are Clare and Elena) whom, at the moment, I'd be totally lost without. Stick to your guns. There's a whole world out there to be explored and you've taken the first gigantic step. I'm proud of you and I wish I'd been just like you at 27. Before you judge me, make sure you're perfect.

27 Dec 2003, 12:49	#36
Agnes Dreamer Join Date: 23 Jan 2002 Location: Dunakeszi, , Hungary. Posts: 2,225	My dear Mags, I can truly understand your feelings, it was exactly the same with me and my mother when I decided to follow ISKCON. Be sure that if she can see that you are happy now living in Germany, she will give up these "lectures"... And if she said that you must keep an open mind, then one of the most important things for an open-minded person is to be able to make new friendships at every age and learn new languages and new cultures... Besides, if she really cared for you and if she was really a loving mother of yours, she would now be happy that you made your dream come true - only BY YOURSELF. As for me, I'm proud of you. Don't care what others say. Remember that line: "Hello, my love, here's to your heart/Release that dream into the world..." [love2] * Say GOURANGA, and be happy! *

27 Dec 2003, 16:16	#37
FallenAngel Some Kind Of Angel Join Date: 11 Apr 2003 Location: In the middle of the riddle... Posts: 23,740	Yes Mags, listen to the wise words of Agnes! We are all proud of you! And we are happy that you feel so good in Germany. You can do just what you wanna You can kill or you can die Be a beggar or a princess But you'll never lose your style Ephemere - Fallen Angel

27 Dec 2003, 11:15	#34
poul e Dream Keeper Join Date: 08 Nov 2000 Location: Thisted, Denmark Posts: 7,069	@Mags: It seems to me that it is a good thing that you now live far away from your mother! She seems too overprotective and wants to shape you in some image she has in her head of how you should be. It's a good thing that you moved to Germany so she can't decide what is best for you. You are now a grown woman and she needs to realize that! And what's that about music friends not being real friends?? If common interests doesn't make people become friends I don't know what does!!?!?!

27 Dec 2003, 11:23	#35
wii Dream Master Join Date: 07 Nov 2000 Location: Denmark Posts: 13,710	@Mags, tell you mom that are an adult now, not just a little 12 year old girl ! She really sounds so arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...! And people are never too old to get new friends, to say otherwise is just plain stupid. It´s just her own insecurity that makes her say those horrible things to you, and a good mother would never do that.

27 Dec 2003, 21:58	#38
Alien Trapped in Dreams Join Date: 10 May 2001 Location: CHG MO RUS Posts: 17,202	for me it's hard to understand how mother could be like that... Don't waste your nerves in vain, Mags.. Do what your sister tells you... just nod... and don't pay much attention while you're there. One day your mother will change her mind. and if friend who love the same band are nothing I'm hopeless... *MADE IN USSR*

28 Dec 2003, 02:54	#39
Mags Moonshine Join Date: 11 Feb 2003 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 1,984	now Mags is smiling... Thanks so much you guys! Two more days then back to Berlin for the Silvester and German beer!!!! Can't wait!!!!! [bouncy] See you soon Kaz [smile2] Open your eyes and let the sun break in for a while...there may be something that you've never seen inside...

28 Dec 2003, 13:57	#40
JaJaJa Rebel Dreamer Join Date: 11 Apr 2003 Location: Solar Driftwood Posts: 11,064	relieved Greetings to you, dear Mags. You know what you want, you´ll make it. Have an excellent Silvester! [sonar]