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I am very sorry to read this. It's so sad and there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. I think all you can do for the moment is to let it all out. To come to terms with there things you have to cry, scream, shout. I've seen people internalise and pretend that everything is ok and further down the road they still had to deal with it and mourn properly. You're not alone, we're all here for you.
...---... life will kill you in the end ...---...
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