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Trent
05 Feb 2002, 16:22
I am having some of the worst few days of me life...sorry I put this here...most probably won't care to read this...but I have to type out how I feel...the 2 people I usually tell me problems to I can't talk to right now...one is out of town and not near his computer and the other...well..BLAH!! Part of me crappy days that too...I feel like I want to crawl into a box and just die there...nothing is going right and I am going to go crazy soon...If another bad thing happens to me, I am going to freak out!! Anyways...sorry for dumping on whoever happens to read this...I just needed to let out some of this anger I have right now..

"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent

Alien
05 Feb 2002, 17:33
hey, Trent, please try not to go crazy!

Sorry, I can't give you any healing words...

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

poul e
05 Feb 2002, 18:26
Im very sorry to hear this Trent <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

If you want to talk to me Im only an ICQ message away.....

http://www.virtue.nu/wii/Poul_E.gif

Avil
05 Feb 2002, 18:39
Oh, dear of course people care!
We are here to help eachother, no matter if its bad times or good times.
Rain today, rain tomorrow, but one day the sun will come Trent.
There are a lot I can say, but not much that can make you feel better I guess.
I want to see you happy, so give up that and give me a bloody smile!
Love ya boy!

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Trent
05 Feb 2002, 21:49
Hey don't worry about it...shite happens...and it's happening to me right now that's all...just needed somewhere to blow up at

"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent

Trent
05 Feb 2002, 22:11
So I don't have to tell everyone individually when you message me...I lost me job a few nights back and was in a car accident lastnight...that's all..I am ok though...Just angry as a son of a bitch and in major pain right now...

"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent


Edited by - Trent on 05 Feb 2002 23:43:54

AV_defender
06 Feb 2002, 08:01
car accident???OMG!!but you are OK i hope??
i recognize your feelings and what youre going through,i have those too..its usually a week or two when everything sucks so bad that i barely cant breath.i cant sleep at night,i brake everything i touch..accidents happen..but as avil said:it cant rain all the time...the next weeks after that shitperiod are always the greatest in my life,and im sure you'll feel the same way too when everything is over and the sun comes out shining over you.
even if a lot of bad things happend,its not the end..there are still so much left surrounding you that holds you back from crawling into that box and die..
cheer up..dont you know that when youre sad and unlucky,you are actually heading against better times..its just somekind of warning life has to give..to make you more careful and prepared for changes in the way you'll act in the good days..
everything will be fine*hugs*

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
06 Feb 2002, 12:50
Trent, I really feel sorry for what youre going through. Ive been there myself, and its really shitty when its going on. I would feel really pathetic starting to give advice since I myself dont have a clue what to do when Im in a depressing situation.

All I can say is HANG IN THERE, MATE!
And listen to AIU!!! That usually puts me in a better mood!

With all my love - I went into the world

Clare
06 Feb 2002, 14:36
Trent,

Sorry you're feeling bad, hope things improve soon.

If you (or anyone else here) want to talk, I'm another one with ICQ.

All the best



Clare

wii
06 Feb 2002, 15:09
Trent, send me a PM, and well talk, ok ?

http://www.alphaville.org/images/dance.gif

micki
07 Feb 2002, 10:16
oh, I'm so sorry Trent..it must be really tough for you...but hang in there pal, everything is gonna be just fine...I know...

"the Child of the Night"

Ariana Dreamer
04 Mar 2002, 09:17
Sorry guys. I just need to bring this back.
I feel so fucking low. Just bad. Dont know what to do. I have no ambitions. I have no dreams in my life. Everything is just a black hole with no escape. I feel the walls come closer. I feel that everything I ever wanted has crumbled to dust.
I hate my life and everything I stand for. I just feel so low and sad. I need somebody or something. I dont know. fuck. <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

I give in to sin - Because I like to practice what I preach

Avil
04 Mar 2002, 10:53
Having a bad period I guess.
Maybe that is good...then you appriciate when you are feeling good more than you would have done otherwise.
But Ariana, remember that it wont last like this forever. Just think of something u love, and make the best of the day

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

micki
04 Mar 2002, 14:21
Ariana is having a bad period, and I'm having my periods <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>...but luckily they should be over tonight, so I won't have to suffer much longer...<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle> *happy*

"the Child of the Night"

Avil
04 Mar 2002, 15:53
micki, heh, good to know when you are having your periods...LOL
PMS is all I say...*smiles*

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

micki
04 Mar 2002, 16:19
heh...but I said they are over now, OVER...PMS was one week ago...

"the Child of the Night"

Avil
04 Mar 2002, 18:10
haha, yeah I know that micki

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

AV_defender
04 Mar 2002, 20:35
im sorry to hear youre down ariana...i dont know what to say to make you feel better, but try to look back at the things that made you sad and think if they really are worth to be sad for..the things you just mentioned in your post are only things that seems to be gone..you always have them you know.
a little advice that usually works on me is to put on "colors" with AV..and have some Alphatherapy:)
i was very down once last week..so i went to my computer and said to myself that i'd better have some alphatherapy to cheer up..believe me it worked<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

hope that you will realize that life actually smiles on you.

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Alien
04 Mar 2002, 22:12
well... I spent 3,5 hours in the bus today, 2 hours in the underground... and 3 hours on lectures which were absolutely worthless... It would be much better for me if I stayed at home... But anyway it wasn't crappy day since it started and finished here! Alphatherapy always helps!

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Ariana Dreamer
05 Mar 2002, 08:03
Thanx, Defender. You know, sometimes in your life you just feel very low. Its like everything is black and you really cant figure out a reason why you should keep on fighting. You have no idea what you wanna do with your life and you feel no ambitions to take care of it what so ever. The summer is here, sooner than youll know. This is my last semester. Then what? You tend to have ideas, but they always run out in the sand. But I know these crappy days wont last forever. I do feel some what better already. And when Im here at the forum I forget it all, even if only for a few minutes. I guess I wanna thank you guys for that. :)
I guess I just feel very empty for the moment... thanx for listening.

I give in to sin - Because I like to practice what I preach

micki
05 Mar 2002, 10:11
well, my dad was especially crappy to me again...called me slow thinker and everything...one second he says that I don't eat enough and that I suffer from anorexia, the second he calls me fat. Confusing...

"the Child of the Night"

Clare
05 Mar 2002, 16:47
I know how some of you feel with depression, like crawling into a black hole, and you're frightened you may never get out the other side, perhaps even more frightened that you have to get out. My darkest moment was last October, the same week I got my AV DVD, and I was not capable of feeling happy even about that.

Strangely when I couldn't cope with talking to real people, the people I met on the internet helped.

I hope anyone else here who is feeling bad will feel better soon.

hugs

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

AV_defender
06 Mar 2002, 19:06
when you mentioned the DVD i suddenly remembered summer last year, when o bought prostitute in a middle of a depression..
when i put the disc on i had to turn it off after less than 2 minutes because i thought it was shit, as everything else at that point.then when my depression had faded, i thought i'd listen to the disc again..and suddenly i love it inside out..



I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
07 Mar 2002, 09:46
when youre feeling down, everything around you get infected by your feelings. Thats the sad effects of depression. I still cant see nothing but shit in my life. No fucking way out of it. Getting real tired of it. Im up in my arse in schoolwork, but have not done half of it. Got no money, lovelife sucks big time! My best friend has left our dorm. Personal problems with the police. I just get sick of it. But when Im listening to AV, it all feels good, anyway.

The brave new Apollo

russharvey
07 Mar 2002, 11:11
Hang in there AD!!

Me, I am having a crappy day because I am so sick! My throat is killing me, I have a fever, I just want to crawl under a rock!

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Ariana Dreamer
07 Mar 2002, 11:33
Thanx, Russ! Im doing my best.
I hope you will feel better soon too.
I just realized that the sun is shining outside. Thats something. I hope it can exstinguish the rain in my heart...<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

The brave new Apollo

Avil
07 Mar 2002, 19:47
When Im feeling really low, I just think that this isnt a life worth living, only thinking on the negative things, that nothing will be like I want them to.
I just complain, and nothing can make me happy, no talk or music. I just need time then, and thats maybe what you sad people need aswell.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

AV_defender
07 Mar 2002, 20:05
some depressions take time and some only last for a little while...maybe the weather and the climate can infect some on the human mood aswell..and sometimes every bad thing have to happen at once..
but..a long time with bad things happening could be a sign that there are long great moments coming soon..so hang on and go out to breathe some sun Ariana:)

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Alien
07 Mar 2002, 20:43
We have here some virus for sure... Every one feels sick one after another... Strange...

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Ariana Dreamer
08 Mar 2002, 07:47
Maybe Im feeling better. In someway. The sun is shining outside today again. And do you know? Not a cloud in the skies. :)
But still I am way behind in school...

The brave new Apollo

Avil
09 Mar 2002, 22:50
Today I saw our house in the paper (for sale section) and that really didnt make my day.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Clare
10 Mar 2002, 19:57
Ouch, that I can really sympathise with Avil,

my parents are selling their house, and I keep going back because I'll miss it, and the village I grew up in when they've gone. So many happy memories.

Still my parents are moving to one of the most beautiful parts of Scotland, so every negative has a positive.

AD, if you can see the sun shining that's a start. My depression started to lift about the time On the Beach came out. Just enjoying something is a major step!

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

AV_defender
10 Mar 2002, 21:44
something that really brings me down is when i find something, that ive been looking for in 4 years..and then its not for sale...and i lie awake during the nights because im so angry about that<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Alien
10 Mar 2002, 21:50
what annoys me is my neverending cold! my nose can't breath again... ooh! I'm so tired of that!!!

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

micki
11 Mar 2002, 10:06
I'm sick and tired of having to pay for my food in my own house! I'm fifteen, and my dad says I owe him 100 bucks or so for food, etc...I have to buy my clothes myself with my fucking little salary, and everything else too...and then my stepmom says that I owe her 10 Euros...she claims that I've stolen that from her even if I haven't even seen a cent!! *grunt* I'm going NUTS here...they're probably gonna make me pay for the noodles I ate yesterday too...<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

"the Child of the Night"

AV_defender
11 Mar 2002, 10:37
i could understand them if you were 25 still living at home and eating their food..not paying even if you had a job..but now youre nothing of that yet..so..i think they should think twice b4 they claim you to pay..

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

micki
11 Mar 2002, 11:13
exactly, but go and tell that to my dad...he's an asshole!

"the Child of the Night"

Ariana Dreamer
11 Mar 2002, 11:39
Im sorry the hear that youre having trouble at home, Micki. I hope it will get sortet out.
Im fucking upset. I have no idea how to get top Berlin, in May. I need a shit load of money... <img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>

The brave new Apollo

micki
11 Mar 2002, 13:02
thanx AD, but I don't think it's gonna be okay...my dad has always been screwed "up here", and he probably always will...

"the Child of the Night"

Trent
11 Mar 2002, 18:18
Someone stop the world...I want to get off!!

http://www.alphaville.org/images/scotland.gif
"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent

Avil
11 Mar 2002, 18:41
Today people where here to see the house.
Just came home, didnt want to be here when they were here, looking on my life. I feel so sad. I can almost smell that someone have been here.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Ariana Dreamer
12 Mar 2002, 11:30
can I leave with you, Trent! Im so fucking tired of everything. do you know that Ive become an alcoholic, for real. Im not kidding. Ive been drinking five of the last seven days. Just to escape from it all. Life is just fucked up. I want out. fuck this.<img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>


The brave new Apollo

AV_defender
12 Mar 2002, 14:05
this doesnt sound good at all AD...and i dont know what i could say to help you...often drugs and alcohol only shoots the problems forward, so what i mean with this is that if you would deal with them until theyre gone, youve made it..but if you escape from them every time,the same probs + the probs you'll have in the future about what belongs to living will be there always. and you'll never get rid of them..its just like homework..shoot it forward,the same lot is still there..make one task in the maths,its always one task less to do.

try to find back to yourself, my friend.
i really hope i or someone else could help you so you could be happy again.

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
13 Mar 2002, 11:39
Thank you for your kind words of advice. First of all I want to say that its not very importent what people are saying, importent is that people DO CARE, I do feel that you do that. And thats a lot of help on my way out of this. And I thank you from my heart for caring. Youre absolutely right with what youre saying of drugs and alcohol. But it feels so nice... I know that I just postpone all of my problems, but escaping feels so nice, its like a haven for all my emotions. I feel so good when Im drinking my wine with my friends and just listening to music. Thats the only time I am truly happy. Or at least the only time I FEEL truly happy. I feel like I no longer have ambitions to do anything else. I know that some people would say "Ahh, get a grip of yourself, will you!!". But those people who sais that is those people who never have been feeling down, and they have no idea what theyre talking about. Its not that easy. A wish of dying and just leave it all is not something you can get a grip out of just like that.
I know that the first thing I should do is stop drinking, but I dont want to. Its sad really. Im sorry for dropping all of my poor shit here, but I need to get some out... Thanx for listening. /AD

The brave new Apollo

Clare
13 Mar 2002, 12:27
Ariana Dreamer,

1st of all if anyone makes any comments such as snap out of it, pull yourself together or anything like that, DON'T LISTEN. Such comments don't help you.

I'm not a doctor and I obviously can't diagnose depression, but to me it sounds like that's what you have and it's a genuine illness. Have you been to a doctor? There is treatment available!

I've been through it and survived, so if you ever want someone to listen, I (and others on this forum) am there.

Wishing you all the best!!

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Ariana Dreamer
13 Mar 2002, 13:16
Thanks a lot, Clare.
No, I havent been to a doctor. Simply because I do not feel that a doctor could help me. Hed just put me on prozak or something. And thats just the same as alcohol; You feel better for a while and then when "the trip" is over, you need even more then you did before to feel better.
Maybe a shrink would be better for me... or I dont know. The whole doctor thing give me the creeps. Its like admitting that I suffer of something.... Besides they cant do anything to help.

The brave new Apollo

Ariana Dreamer
13 Mar 2002, 13:16
Thanks a lot, Clare.
No, I havent been to a doctor. Simply because I do not feel that a doctor could help me. Hed just put me on prozak or something. And thats just the same as alcohol; You feel better for a while and then when "the trip" is over, you need even more then you did before to feel better.
Maybe a shrink would be better for me... or I dont know. The whole doctor thing give me the creeps. Its like admitting that I suffer of something.... Besides they cant do anything to help.

The brave new Apollo

russharvey
13 Mar 2002, 23:06
AD! Well its hard to say what is really the best course of treatment, but depression really is a chemical imbalance in your brain. All that prozac does is allow for the chemicals to move freely as they should and allow you to feel better about yourself. Perhaps once the chemicals are back in balance there are behaviours which contribute to the return of the chemical imbalance.... who knows? maybe some councelling would help.... I don't know, I am not a doctor.

However, admitting that something is wrong with your body is nothing to be ashamed of and doctors are not here to control us. Alcohol is not like prozac as alcohol is an inhibitor which masks and deadens brain activity whereas prozac specifically targets a specific area of the brain and allows it to function properly.

However, all that said... I do know what you are going through and I hope you find the peace you are looking for!

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Clare
14 Mar 2002, 10:29
For anyone who's going through depression or anything stress related I really would recommend a doctor, they can do more than just prescribe drugs, they can arrange for counselling. In my case, what I really needed was distance from the stress and the doctor signed me off work, without doctor's permission there's no way I'd have got away with a month off (I was pretty close to a breakdown)

All I'm saying is that a good doctor should listen and find a way of curing you, not just the illness. (We are all unique after all!)

Another thing that helped me was a depression community at www.netdoctor.co.uk I was able to talk to others there and get encouragement.

All the best

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Edited by - Clare on 14 Mar 2002 11:31:49

Ariana Dreamer
14 Mar 2002, 10:31
Thanx for caring Russ. Interesting how you compared prozak and alcohol, never though of it that way before...
You see, my aunt took prozak, at first she was feeling very well... you know, she was singing everywhere she went. And told us how very good these pills was. But then she started to feel low again, and she had to increase the dose... I dont see it as something I want to do... But I dont know. Its just seems like everything in your life has to get fucked up all in once. Its like God is having a sick sence of humor, to quote DM. But Ill get out of it... If only love could shine some more...


The brave new Apollo

Ariana Dreamer
14 Mar 2002, 10:34
@Clare:
Thanx so very much. Just you people caring makes me already feel better...
Ill try that site.
Thanx:)


The brave new Apollo

AV_defender
14 Mar 2002, 10:43
well,it seems as depression is a disease..i mean i now i know exactly what you feel inside AD.yesterday i just wished that someone would drop a bomb on me..not to mention that my computer has broken again and i cant store all important stuff that i want cause the schoolserver is shut down. then the chemistry test went shiti feel..and i couldnt make a test in our computer lessons, cause one tool of the window was missing..
i wasnt so successful driving car either today. the engine died 2-3 times, cause i love to brake..and i should have got over that "engine-killer" era a long time ago..i mean its the 6th time i drive!!
if it would have been the final lessons b4 they'd decide if i'd get drivers license or not..i could only dream of getting it..thats the only good thing that has happened this week.everything else is shit. and i cant think of anything else that different equations in maths and all essays i havent finished...<img src=icon_smile_dissapprove.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_dissapprove.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_dissapprove.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
14 Mar 2002, 13:26
Im sorry to hear that life is kinda messy for you, Defender. I guess we have to try to cheer ourselves up together. Have you ever thought of that an accident or a bad thing in your life never comes alone. Its always misery upon misery and shite upon shite. If my lovelife goes down the drain, you can be so sure that everything else is going to get fucked up to. I think this is Gods little amusement. Not that I believe in him, but anyway... But atleast the sun is shining today... Thats something.
Hang in there, dear friend. Im trying.


The brave new Apollo

AV_defender
14 Mar 2002, 13:36
i guess days and moments that only suck in all ways is a way to show us that we should appreciate it more..ive been kind of pessimistic against life a couple of days b4 this depression, so i guess this shit right now will serve to show me that things can be worser than worse.
...and thinking that im nothing than trash doesnt make the thing better...
but i guess i'll get through this, cause im quite used to depressions by now.

thanx for caring:)


I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Alien
15 Mar 2002, 20:24
.... I'm so tired of that life... Surprize after surprize... and mostly bad ones... Lots of things to do and no will and no time to do them... My mood goes up and down... If in the morning I wake up happy then something bad will happen for sure...

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

russharvey
15 Mar 2002, 23:52
think you are having a crappy day? watch what happened to this guy! don't try this at home!!!

http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Avil
16 Mar 2002, 11:11
Hahaha, yeah Ive seen that one...pretty good isnt it`?

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

russharvey
16 Mar 2002, 12:36
yeah, that guy was pretty lucky, that's for sure!!!

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

AV_defender
16 Mar 2002, 14:42
its just getting worser for me...last night i had a movie night with my friends. i thought id be happy,and relifed during that evening. we watched schindlers list,and after that we found out that a guy who likes to watch real videos with people ripping of arms of innocent humen, had made two big hitler marks in the snow outside the building we live in..i could have killed him.

today i found out that Bowler one had got my letter that i sent with the money to order a pair of singles. and unfortunately,there was no money left in the envelope.

could someone please give me a three metres of rope??i feel like hanging in a tree with a rope tied around my neck..

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

russharvey
16 Mar 2002, 14:47
I am so sorry Defender!! Sounds like you should have watched a comedy instead of a sad movie like Schindler's List.....

I am sure that bowler_one will hold them for you.....

I for one sure hope you don't find any rope Defender!!! Keep the faith!

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Avil
16 Mar 2002, 15:30
Oh gosh, that was a very bad thing to do.
I always trust people when sendning money, but after this...

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

AV_defender
16 Mar 2002, 17:21
well its not Bowlers fault it was stolen.i trust her and i know she wouldnt do anything like that.

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Alien
16 Mar 2002, 21:11
I'm really sorry for you, defender...
Hold on! It all will pass by...

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Ariana Dreamer
18 Mar 2002, 09:58
Defender, you better not find that rope!! If I can hold on you can hold on! Im still struggling at the bottom of this fucking life. Theres not a night passing by that I dont think of cutting my wrists. And just when you think that life cant suck anymore it does. 30minutes ago I found out that the girl which Im in love with, or at least thought I was in love with. Has met another guy. Can you believe that... I have so much pain inside of me now, I have no idea what to do. No fucking idea. I need to get out of here. I need to get a brand new life. Miles from here... I cant stand this shit anymore. How come that just when you think youve seen some light in the end of the tunnel the whole shit house goes down in flames again. And even worse.
Fuck this. I want out.

The brave new Apollo

AV_defender
18 Mar 2002, 15:30
well..i didnt find any rope..and ive respected that my life is a piece of shit and thats why the money was stolen..so im quite ok again. im sorry it hasnt gotten any better with you..it seems as love and shit only makes it worser,thats why ive closed my heart from falling inlove so i wont get so hurt..but i dont know,maybe im falling down there again<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

i hope you'll hang out until the concerts and that you can join us aswell and get tickets. if you want to talk, i'll listen and try to give you advice and help you to feel better..

hang on in here for a while longer.even if it seems as there is nothing left to stay for,you always find some reasons if you think about it.

*Hugs Ariana*

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Trent
18 Mar 2002, 18:42
Sometimes what you're looking for, you'll find when you're not looking
Sometimes what you're wishing for, you get when you're not wishing
Sometimes what you're crying for, you'll get when you stop crying
Sometimes what you're dying for, you get when you stop dying

http://www.alphaville.org/images/scotland.gif
"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent

AV_defender
19 Mar 2002, 07:35
so this means that i will get the singles when i dont like AV like this anymore..
that was just my guess when i found out that the money was stolen...

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Dingerz
19 Mar 2002, 20:19
Wow, this thread seems all too perfect. It's sad to see so many of us in the dumps as of late. I wonder if it being the end of winter has anything to do with it. We all needa bit of sunshine and air I think.

I do hope everyone feels better. I know myself I have droped out of everything. Both my grandmother and dog passed away last week which was horrible. I also learned that I do in fact have an exam on may 6th so therefore I cannot go see AV in berlin nor meet any of you :( I also learned that I am not done school because of a mistake and so I still have another course to take (and another $1,300 out of my pocket) Then my union went on strike and so I am out $2000 in income (that is if it only lasts 2 months..)

So I can identify with all your pain. But I keep telling myself one day it'll all be over and I will be at an AV show somewhere in North america in the summer. (heh..I hope.)

I had a horrible bout of depression back in 1995-1997 and it was awful. I can understand how nothing seems to please you nor make you feel better, but it is just a fight you have to maintain. Giving up is pointless because I look at what I havwe done now since I got over the spell and would have given up a ton of amazing experiences had just thrown the towel in (like I wanted to)

Just concentrate on good things - I know it is easier said than done, but you have to to keep yourself from not wanting to wake up in the morning.

Tara

Clare
21 Mar 2002, 20:43
Why do horrible things never happen individually? They always seem to come at one time, until you start to feel like you can't cope with it all.

Tara, I lost my Grandfather just before Christmas,<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle> so I understand how it feels to lose someone. I hope the pain will lessen for you soon. It's a shame that you can't manage to get to Berlin either.

On another subject, I made an error at work last week, which was awful and then a promotion chance I was waiting for came up, and what should have been an opportunity ( a senior colleague had suggested to my supervisor that I should go for this promotion, also it's what I've wanted to do for 3 years since I started my job,) became a reason for me to doubt my own ability. I put myself forward for the promotion anyway, but I'm scared that my whole career will be judged on this one error. My problem is that I make things worse by doubting myself.<img src=icon_smile_shy.gif border=0 align=middle>

Reading this subject makes my problem feel minor, but I hope everyone who's feeling unhappy at the moment will one day realise that things are improving and they can smile again.

*hugs everyone*

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Ariana Dreamer
02 Apr 2002, 09:34
Hey Clare. I wouldnt worry too much. One error does not effect a career!

Me? Im feeling much better! ALIVE AND KICKING AGAIN!! Thanx guys for making me feel better!!

The brave new Apollo

Alien
02 Apr 2002, 12:58
It was one of the worst days today!

It snowed and it was cold!
I forgot to charge my batteries so had to go to Moscow without my CD-player!
I had to wait for a bus about 15 minutes on the cold street!
I twice missed my stations in underground!
When I came to my Academy I found out that we study today in another building which is in opposite part of Moscow! And they forgot to tell me about it!
While I was going back to subway someone threw 2 empty bottles off the window and they smashed on the pavement 1,5 meters away from me!
And in the end I escapes car crash... Our little bus was about to hit big truck!
...and it's not the evening yet!

<img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Avil
02 Apr 2002, 14:03
I need money.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

micki
02 Apr 2002, 15:54
and I need Julian

[nightchild]

Clare
02 Apr 2002, 18:46
Thanks, but one error did effect a career. I didn't get the job. A week or 2 before I'd have been in with a good chance, but this error really went against me. <img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>

I had some other bad news earlier that week and then work made me wait several days (including my birthday) for the news.

I had to go back to work yesterday. The irony is I already do the job that I got turned down for. The guy who currently does the job is off work so I cover for him, as I always do if he's not available, (They think there's not enough work for 2, they're wrong).

There are only 2 of us on the nightshift so I don't have the luxury of saying I can't take work of the higher level like my day shift colleagues... like the ones who got the job do.

It's impossible to explain without boring you, so I won't try! I'm just feeling a bit crappy at the moment.<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Ariana Dreamer
03 Apr 2002, 10:43
Sorry to hear about the job, Clare... I hope things will cheer up soon 4u!

My yesterday:

*Spended six hours trying to apply for the university. Believe me its a real science, I cant understand how they can have any students at all!

*When I payed the last payment on my study trip to Prag, the nice lady in the reception had forgot to sign me up for my two previous payments so she wanted me to pay 3500kr, that Id already payed, so I had to run home and turn my room upside down for the reciets!
Bitch!

*CSN (A swedish authority who gives out money to us students) wants me to pay back the loan they are giving me while Im still studying. ARE THEY CRAZY!! Do they mean that I should borrow money from them just to pay them back!?!?!?

*I tripped in the lunchroom (very amusing...)

*I spilled coffee all over the table in our kitchen (VERY amusing)

*I tripped when I was about to hit the sack!
(VERY painful)

*I couldnt sleep until 5am!!

I wish yesterday could be my Groundhog Day!!


The brave new Apollo

Edited by - Ariana Dreamer on 03 Apr 2002 12:45:10

AV_defender
03 Apr 2002, 11:21
i know what you guys mean, alien and AD..maybe when i get my next unluck week i'll write down all shit that happens:)
such weeks are really a pain in the arse!
but right now im quite fine again..ive danced to AV all day cause my sister is at work and her boyfriend too..they have got tired of all Alphaville in the house after just one week..i cant understand them<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

for you clare,im sure there will be other and much better jobs to catch in the future...as i told AD some time ago: see the
bad things as signs for better things to come.

hang on and try to not notice the accidents too easy..just laugh at them, and you'll se the bright sides of everything..thats whati did when i dropped yoghurt on my new washed pants..even if i was very mad at that point:)

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

russharvey
05 Apr 2002, 04:24
It somehow always makes us feel better to share our frustrations with eachother... you are all such good people.... I feel lucky to count you among my friends, though its likely I will never meet any of you.

I certainly wouldn't wish for bad things not to happen to any of us.... after all, how can you appreciate, know and truly understand the good, if you have never embraced the sad, unexpected, horrible and devastating?

So instead, I hope for all of you to have the inner strength to make it through your frustrating days - may it make the golden days even better.

Peace to you all!

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

russharvey
05 Apr 2002, 04:27
I guess I should take my own advice and admit that my job with its paycut and horrible management has frustrated me to no end.... and of course, the search for a new job brings on new frustrations.... interviews, waiting, rejection, waiting, interviews, waiting......

I know, not much compared to some of you, but when you are not happy with your job, it doesn't make sense to keep doing it - so I am trying to fix that, and its taking a lot longer than I had hoped.

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Ariana Dreamer
05 Apr 2002, 11:15
Russ, I can really understand what youre saying about searching for a job. Im in the same situation for the moment, the schools out in late May, then what?? The waiting and the possible rejection youre talking about; it makes me feel sick. I dont even know what I WANT to do. Ive applied for twelve universities here in Sweden now, I can only hope... People seem to think that being a student is so damn easy. They can never understand the pressure, the world on our shoulders. Its not easy with all the demands the society brings. YOU HAVE TO BE SOMEBODY! YOU NEED TO BE SEEN! Sometimes I think of just dont give a shit anymore and become a cleaner or something...


The brave new Apollo

leenix
05 Apr 2002, 18:40
Looking for a job is like a rollercoaster of hope and despear, I know. I've been doing that for some time now, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that one day it'll happen. My situation changed this week, say hello to Leenix the SQL Server Technician! Now my only problem is convincing my boss that I'll need a couple of days off in the beginning of May...

Keep in mind that without those bad, bad days in life you probably wouldn't appreciate the good ones. It's like when you have a sore throat and promise yourself that when you get well you'll make sure you enjoy it fully.

...---... life will kill you in the end ...---...

russharvey
07 Apr 2002, 05:44
you know, sometimes I feel very much alone in this universe...... and its an awful dilemma when you realize you don't like being with yourself.

and right now..... its so very quiet.... it must be the calm before the storm.......

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Clare
07 Apr 2002, 12:06
It's difficult when you've been doing a job for a while to realise that you don't like it very much, and you don't like what it's turning you into. It's another thing to have the strength to leave.

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Jonatan
07 Apr 2002, 18:27
So You got yourself a job Leena? Congratulations and good luck!!

"I have to follow them I'm their leader!"

russharvey
07 Apr 2002, 20:57
ah, the hunt for a new job........ well, that seems to be the least of my problems right now. At least I still have a job in the meantime.

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

Avil
08 Apr 2002, 00:07
My head hurts...a lot...

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Ariana Dreamer
08 Apr 2002, 08:22
quote:Originally posted by russharvey:

you know, sometimes I feel very much alone in this universe...... and its an awful dilemma when you realize you don't like being with yourself.

and right now..... its so very quiet.... it must be the calm before the storm.......

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***
Hey man. This could have been my own words. Exactly how I feel. Now I know Im not alone in the way I feel. Thanx.


The brave new Apollo

micki
08 Apr 2002, 15:18
*sighs*

[nightchild]

Avil
08 Apr 2002, 16:09
I cant talk.
And I cant write at the other forum neither.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Alien
08 Apr 2002, 17:10
poor Avil....

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Avil
08 Apr 2002, 23:13
Well, thats something I can stand after the weekend I have had. And I can talk now. And write too.

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Adiville
09 Apr 2002, 00:01
I think i need another vacation - i got tired only from thinking about going back to the army in the morning...... <img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_sleepy.gif border=0 align=middle>

<h6>
------------------@ville - forever and ever------------------
Visit me at: http://planet.nana.co.il/euphoria</h6>

micki
09 Apr 2002, 10:13
*DUHH* my hair hurts...waia! <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>

[nightchild]

Ariana Dreamer
09 Apr 2002, 14:39
I really dont believe it has something to do with crappy days.

The brave new Apollo

Edited by - Ariana Dreamer on 09 Apr 2002 15:41:15

Trent
09 Apr 2002, 23:07
Micki:
Posted 09 Apr 2002 11:18:17
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My hair's soo F**king GREAT today (well, it's always great, but it's even BETTER today)...YAY

[nightchild]


Make up our mind...Is it fucking great or is it hurting?? I don't get it!

http://www.alphaville.org/images/scotland.gif
"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent


Edited by - Trent on 10 Apr 2002 00:07:48

micki
10 Apr 2002, 09:17
my hair LOOKS great, but...I felt like shit otherwise, that's what was behind that hairhurting sentence

[nightchild]

AV_defender
10 Apr 2002, 11:55
eem..in what way are you heart?emotionally or physically??im a bit confused too here..

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

micki
10 Apr 2002, 13:25
I'M JUST MENTALLY A BIT ILL, AND I WANNA DIE...got it? Peopple don't have to know everything

[nightchild]

Ariana Dreamer
10 Apr 2002, 13:47
you see if you wanna die, thats not a good thing. Thats really serious. Ive felt the same way many times, but for the moment Im ok.Its quite a step between having "hair that hurts" and actually wishing to die.

The brave new Apollo

micki
10 Apr 2002, 13:55
I shouldn't have said that...I don't wanna hear about how bad it's to wish that, it's not the first time you know...but don't care about me, I'm just gonna take a little swim in the lake and possibly return. No Promises!

[nightchild]

Avil
10 Apr 2002, 15:45
Blah, I forgot to wake up this morning.
And I have tons to do.
I want to have a break...

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

poul e
10 Apr 2002, 17:46
@Avil: How can you be here if you didnt wake up today????? <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

http://www.alphaville.org/images/poule.gif

Alien
10 Apr 2002, 18:54
I have huge headache..... I guess I have to find some time to sleep.....

http://alien-land.narod.ru/alien-land/newsign.gif
I can see you through...

Clare
10 Apr 2002, 19:57
Sounds like everyone's having a bad time. Stay talking when it hurts.

Great thing about a forum like this is there's someone here when you need to talk, but if you need to be alone, just switch off the computer. We'll be here when you're ready to talk again.

<img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_shy.gif border=0 align=middle>



##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

Ariana Dreamer
11 Apr 2002, 10:14
quote:Originally posted by micki:

I shouldn't have said that...I don't wanna hear about how bad it's to wish that, it's not the first time you know...but don't care about me, I'm just gonna take a little swim in the lake and possibly return. No Promises!

[nightchild]
Hey, Micki, what do you mean? I do care for you. And I wish nothing but the best for you, and I hope within my heart that you are always feeling fine. I just think you should be careful with what youre saying sometimes...

The brave new Apollo

micki
11 Apr 2002, 12:09
why? Because that sometimes it might happen if you wish for it?? Well in that case I'll wish even harder, there's nothing that I'd wish for more at this moment than getting out of this shitty life...sorry

[nightchild]

Avil
11 Apr 2002, 16:08
Poul: hoh, I remembered to wake up a bit later so, no problem.

I got so much to do right now, heeeeelp!

<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Krapplund
11 Apr 2002, 18:14
Shit....the last month have just been BORING!!!
I have no energi to go to work, eat or anything else....its just BORING!!!

My girlfriend wonder whats wrong with me.
Its no problem with me....just that im not happy and funny like I always be other days.

What to do<img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle>

Before I go to my work I can lay down in my bed and listen to Danger In Your Paradise at repeat....just dream me away....

EVERYTHING ARE BORING!!!!


make your choise - i made my - http://tip.nu/victory

AV_defender
11 Apr 2002, 18:22
i think youve got the concert syndrome my friend..i have it too..but its not that everything is boring..i just feel so active in doing my lessons thats all...it feels strange,but i know who to blame..

Q:"How has Alphaville changed your life?"
A:"They make me do my homework"

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
12 Apr 2002, 08:27
@micki: What I ment was that you should be careful with sayying that you "want to die" if you dont mean it. You see, I thought you were ironic with your first post.
But now I maybe think that you are serious. And thats really bad. Depressions is nothing to play with.
I just have a hard time with people who are saying that they want to die, but they are just feeling a bit sad. You see Ive been down, Ive been there. I know how it REALLY feels when everything is black and every move you make the walls getting closer, every word you say you feel how you just slip further down in that hole of remorse, agony and darkness and there is nothing you can do about it. Thats when you want to die. When you feel every part of your body is aching and you cant find relief anywhere besides on the other side.
That is death wish.
And if you feel that way I am really sorry. But you know hopefully better times are comming. take care.

The brave new Apollo

Edited by - Ariana Dreamer on 12 Apr 2002 09:28:59

wonder2000
12 Apr 2002, 10:05
How about now honey? = <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

quote:Originally posted by micki:

why? Because that sometimes it might happen if you wish for it?? Well in that case I'll wish even harder, there's nothing that I'd wish for more at this moment than getting out of this shitty life...sorry

[nightchild]


"J.Moon - strange boy"

micki
12 Apr 2002, 11:24
Everything just sux at home...my dad just recently spoke to my mom on the fone about my plans after comprehensive school...I've told dad that I wanna go study in a certain school, but it's a bit further away, and that would mean that I'll have to get a student accommodation and my dad doesn't like the idea. The thing is that my mom again wants me to go there because she thinks that would be just perfect for me, and she knows that I know how to take care of myself. My mom and dad have a shared custody over me, that'll say I'll have to have my dads approvement to this too...so my mom called him and talked to him about it, tried to make him see sense, and this is what I heard (I was upstairs listening) "that kid can't manage on her own, she can't even cook! We have everything ready for her here, she can't take the responsibility" and so on...that really pissed me! There's NOTHING that frustrates me more than if somebody says/thinks that I can't manage on my own, that I'd be somehow helpless!! How the fuck can he know about my cooking abilities or how I can take care of myself if I never have a chance to show that!?!! He just thinks he knows, and that's what drives me mad!...and then there is school..man, I know this must sound like small peanuts to you, but everything just seems to crash at once...seems that people just try to crash my ambitions and won't let me live!! We just had a mathtest, and I bet I got a shitty grade just because these idiots in my class intentionally distracted me all the time when the teacher was away, and when it was time to turn in the tests, I hadn't finished it because of those f**king morones, and I had to turn it in half done! That was so *ARGH*!! And that's just a little example of what I'm going through at the moment...yesterday I felt like taking my own life because of a fight between me and Julian...that was so scary...thought I really was gonna die because that wasn't an ordinary fight...luckily, things are a bit better now...the fight is solved, me and Julian are happily together and madly in love as usually, and I just spoke to my mom who said that she still wants me to take that test, and if (I mean WHEN) I get that place in that school, I'll just take off and leave if nothing else helps, and she's gonna fix things if my dad really is such an idiot that he comes after me...I mean, THINK, I have to fucking run away to have a chance to study with this fucking family (dad)!! My life is messy, but I've got my will to live back somehow...*sighs* why does everything have to be so complicated...

[nightchild]

Edited by - micki on 12 Apr 2002 12:31:12

Ariana Dreamer
12 Apr 2002, 11:53
Im sorry if you got under the impression that I was reffering to your problems as "little peanuts", that never was my intention and surely NOT what I think. Its just that different people got different problems. And it was wrong of me to suggest that you not had a death wish just because I was comparing to me and my problems. Everything is relative, and its really individual how people feel in depressions and what makes a person depressed. And Im sorry that I - for some reason - didnt expect you to have those problems that you obvious is experiencing. Can you forgive me?

I dont know what advice I can give you. First of all, I think your father has no bad intentions. I think he really means well. The bottom line is that he is just worried about you. And maybe, just MAYBE he has a point in being that. It comes with being a parent. You SHOULD be worried. To worry is to CARE. But since I dont know your father I can be wrong. And I do believe that you feel in your heart weather he cares about you or not. And if he doesnt, THEN you have a problem. And in that case all I can say is stand up for yourself. KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO!!! Dont take his crap. You know within your heart what good of a person you are!!

And problems in school is something we all have to struggle with. I know how fucked up in the head you become as a student. The pressure is fucking unbelieveble. You have to acomplish a structure and a trajectory of which way your life is going. You have to make lifetime choices when you dont even know who you are. The society is fucked up. People who are young dont need all this shit. I dont know if Im making sense here. Im trying to speak my mind and my heart. Kind of messy maybe... I just hope you are feeling better soon. And if you need somebody Im just a PM away.
/Johan

The brave new Apollo

micki
12 Apr 2002, 13:28
well, I never referred personally to you that you'd think my stuff is "small peanuts", and I wasn't angry with you or anything...I just...
well, you know, a couple years back I had even WORSE things going on, I thought about suicide every day, I was COMPLETELY alone, with no one to talk to...everybody seemed to think that I suck at everything, as I heard about it every day, I was involved in fist fights with people I didn't even know because they thought I looked like an idiot and told me that right to my face...I heard from my dad every day how useless and annoying I am, my life seemed useless because I myself thought that I'm no good because I wasn't good at anything and even my own dad hated me...I even slitted my wrists and drew pix that could be easily related to satan-worshipping (!) you know, I was mentally even more f**ked up than I am now...
then summer came...I joined the forum and met Julian...he turned my life up side down in a positive way...suddenly my dad was also acting strangely nice towards me, he didn't call me names and stuff anymore and he actually smiled at me (unnaturally though)...life seemed to start smiling at me and suddenly everything just seemed better...I finally had came over the depression I had had for two years, with no pause...you can imagine what kind of relief that was. That saved my life, with out Julian I seriously doubt that I'd be here now...
So, my life hasn't been even this "easy" all the time, and actually what I'm going through now seems like small peanuts to me myself, but still I feel like shit...so I tell you, even if you read this, and think that this isn't much, and this is just hard for me because I haven't had such a hard time before, I tell you that you're wrong (don't get upset here, I'm not mad or anything)...I just wanna ask here that how many of you people have had to flee with your family to another country at the age of nine in order to not be given away to fosterparents, even when the country in question isn't a country in war!? I bet not many. And let me tell you here that I am NOT trying to say that I'm having it much worse than you, and that you should feel sorry for poor me, NO, I'm just saying that I don't get depressed of really small things, because I really ain't weak (and that's because of theing things I went through)...and that those things I just told you, are just a very small piece of what I'm truly going through, the pain I feel, and all the things that are happening to me aren't even possible to describe in one post...and even if that could be done, it wouldn't sound so hard as it feels, cause (I know you guys probably know this already) when your life is kind of at a point where there seems to be no outcome, and everything seems to be so tightly tied in small knots that they seem impossible to "open up", every single little thing, that wouldn't affect you otherwise, feels like a giant rock placed on your back because it comes at a time when you are mentally much weaker and more susceptible to depression...
I guess I had almost everything necessary (and unnecessary) said here for now...I hope you understood the point now that I was not trying to prove you wrong or anything, I was just trying to be more specific in what it comes to me and my feelings at the moment, and compared to my earlier experiences...
I hope you all at least feel better than what I do, this situation sure isn't nice, and I wish you all well...remember, if you feel bad/worse, be sure that I'll always listen...even if I have my own problems I can still listen to you and try to make you feel better...*huggie*

[nightchild]

Edited by - micki on 12 Apr 2002 14:29:48

Krapplund
12 Apr 2002, 13:39
words words words words....... <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>


make your choise - i made my - http://tip.nu/victory

micki
12 Apr 2002, 13:43
hum?

[nightchild]

Avil
12 Apr 2002, 13:55
well micki, I didnt know that about you and your parents, there you see so much we dont know about eachother, even though we think that we know the most important things.
But what is it people use to say. If you are on the bottom, it can only turn back and go up again...You know what I mean?

Life isnt that bad after all, I have had my hard periods aswell, and I cant really talk with my family if Im sad or having problems, I dont think they understand.
I have a nine-year old sister, sure she is a great little girl, but she isnt that understanding as I would have wished.

I have many friends, but only a few that I really trust, in fact there are one person I love so much, we have been friends since the age of 6, and she knows everything about me, and I know everything about her. We are like sisters. I can talk about anything with her.

Of course I have you guys here aswell, and I love you so much, some more than the others, but still its love! I have come some of you very close, and Im so grateful that you are here for me when Im down or when Im happy.
This might have fitted better in the love topic, but whatever.



<center> ~/~/~Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, live today~/~/~ </center>

Ariana Dreamer
12 Apr 2002, 14:06
@Krapplund: <img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle>

@micki: As I hope you understand I never stated that your problems are less big of a deal than mine or anybodys. Cause they are NOT. I cant imagine how it is to have a father like that. So I have not much to add.
Im sorry to hear that youve been feeling so much down in your life. You should be proud of that youre still here fighting. That you havent let your problems beat you. You seem to be a very strong girl, Micki. Thats really an advantage in this fucked up life. You know that old clich:
Whatever doesnt kill you make you stronger!!
Its really true. Thats what I think of when Im really down. Sometimes you just need a little glimpse of light to feel a wee bit stronger, and once you are there, the only way is up. Have you ever tried to talk to your father about this. The way you feel towards him and the things he do agains you. Does he understand the way you feel? What does your mother say? Its a good thing that youve got Julian. He seems to be very importent for you. I hope things will get sorted out and that you too soon can see some light again. Ive gotten up. At least for the moment. But that is all I need right now. Take one day at the time and see what life has to offer. Good or bad (well, probably bad... but anyway...)
Always remember that there are people out there who really care about you.
Dont let them down by doing harm against yourself.

The brave new Apollo

Ariana Dreamer
12 Apr 2002, 14:10
I guess we posted all at the same time here... :)Hey, Micki, you posted 1sec after me (!!!). Thats cool!

The brave new Apollo

Ariana Dreamer
12 Apr 2002, 14:12
hhhhhh???
Whats going on??? What happend to your post that was 1sec after mine???

The brave new Apollo

micki
12 Apr 2002, 14:24
@AD: Yeah, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", I've really learned that...
answer to the question, if I've spoke to my dad is: Yeah, I've tried, but stubborn as he is, he won't listen...always if I've told him how I feel, and how unfairly I think he treats me, he always somehow turns it against me and manages to make me feel that it's my fault that things are the way they are. He's a real pro in that. And even if I'd deep inside me feel that what he does is wrong, he sometimes manages to make me think that it's not, and explains the reasons why he treats me like dirt (that I'm asking for it because I'm a stubborn rebel, uncooperative etc.)...deep inside I know it's not my fault that my dad acts wrong, but in some circumstances, as screwed as it might sound, I sometimes really believe him, even if I don't trust him a bit...strange but sadly true...that's usually what kinda "kicks it off" when I'm in for a big depression...but I know I'm gonna get through this, I'm gonna get into that school (the test is in 12 days) and I'm gonna live through this and show the world that they can't f**king bring me down even if they might succeed in that momentarily! I'm gonna show 'em off, I'm gonna show them what I'm made of! I'm the best! Ha!...
*feeling a lot better now*
Thank you Ariana for your understanding and extremely kind words, they really made me feel better :)...I really wish you well too, and hope that what ever happens, you remember your own words and live through the rough times that might be ahead.


@Avil: I know that you don't know a lot about the "real" me, and there is a reason for that...see, I don't feel so comfortable telling everybody everything about myself, now I just felt like telling something, and I gotta say that I feel a bit better...
thanks for taking the time to "listen" and I wish you well too, everybody who feel a bit down, hang in there!

[nightchild]

micki
12 Apr 2002, 14:34
@AD: Hihihi, it disappeared <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>, but now it's back...

[nightchild]

Clare
12 Apr 2002, 21:22
Micki,

I wish you all the best. I hope you do get into this school as living independently will show your dad that you can, and it will prove to you that you can as well!

Nobody can really know that you can survive until you try.

All the best!

##You don't have to be crazy to work nights - but it helps###.

Clare

AV_defender
15 Apr 2002, 09:12
@micki
im happy youve opened yourself to us and told us why you arent feeling well.i know how it is to live with such a dad as you have...i had to go through that shit too when i still lived at home.the only tip i can give you is to keep on fighting and not giving up to show your dad that you arent what he thinks you are.ofcourse it'll take some time b4 youve got to the goal,but soon enough you'll be there.
basically all your parents do is only because they care.if they wouldnt care they wouldnt wanna stear your life like they do. its sad that we all only remember the bad things in the ways we have been brought up by our parents.we only remember their mistakes strongly,but that is understandable,because the positive things have made us to the ones we are today...
hang on in there girl and everything will be fine:)

*smile though your heart is aching**Hugs**


I'm just a shadow-You are the light

Ariana Dreamer
15 Apr 2002, 14:44
Im too very happy that you decided to share your problems with us. I hope youll soon be feeling better.

The brave new Apollo

micki
15 Apr 2002, 14:46
well...all I can say is thank you guys...it's wonderful how you guys care...and it's so wonderful when I have Julian who cares, just the thing that he's near me (when he is - this damn distance <img src=icon_smile_sad.gif border=0 align=middle>) is enough to make me feel better...thanks for caring and listening, and thanks Defender for your advice, that's what I was going to do, but I needed that support...:)
...and of course, thank you Julian, my eternal love for listening to me and supporting me in everything...I love you honey <img src=icon_smile_blackeye.gif border=0 align=middle> m rakastan sua kulta =

[nightchild]

Edited by - micki on 16 Apr 2002 15:25:54

Ariana Dreamer
16 Apr 2002, 12:13
please keep it in English here.
What is the meaning in saying something when 95% of us dont understand you??

The brave new Apollo

Trent
16 Apr 2002, 13:41
I agree AD, Micki this is something Will has asked you a number of times to do, Please keep it in English!

http://www.alphaville.org/images/scotland.gif
"When I close my eyes, I see my soul...When I open them, I see yours"...
Trent

micki
16 Apr 2002, 14:36
yeah yeah, I know...it just came...even though I can't see it as any big deal if it's so seldom...but I won't, OK!?

[nightchild]

AV_defender
17 Apr 2002, 08:00
it doesnt bother me cause i understand..but think about if someone speaks italian or something else you dont understand...try to let it come out in english instead:)the "I Love You" sounds as beautiful in all languages when it is said to someone<img src=icon_smile_blackeye.gif border=0 align=middle>

I'm just a shadow-You are the light

micki
17 Apr 2002, 09:00
*smiles* I wouldnt mind if someone wrote something in Italian here...I'd just read it and tell myself: "Some day I'm gonna learn that language, someday..." <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle> and besides, I love different languages...so I wouldn't mind at all!

[nightchild]

russharvey
25 Apr 2002, 11:49
Nothing makes for a crappier day than to recieve phone calls from people wanting money. I will be so glad to leave my company and this close to 20% paycut they gave me..... its made for many crappy days. Financial troubles always tend to make other small problems worse.

***This life is expensive, but at least it comes with a free trip around the sun!***

micki
26 Apr 2002, 11:15
yeah, it is...last weekend I woke up nine o'clock because someone accidentally dialled the wrong number! And I who usually sllep to twelve at weekends! I couldn't catch any sleep after that, and I was incredebly tired the whole day, and f**king pissed because it would've been the only day I could've slept because I had work on Saturday, and ofcourse my school in the week!! *argh* well, I've got a completely free weekend ahead now...wonderful...

[nightchild]

Alien
16 Nov 2002, 22:30
I think I found right topic for me... here I'm gonna stay... everything is bad. nothing is good. and life has no sense! that's all.

Clare
17 Nov 2002, 22:52
Oh Alien, you sound like me on my worst days. What's wrong? Life has no sense, I think you're right. There are good things though.

Hope you feel better now, if not, we're here if you want to talk!

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 04:09
I think if me luck gets any worse I will have to wear a sign that says "Don't stand too close to me...lightning might zap you" Was in another car accident tonight...I am ok..No seriously bad injuries this time...only a very swollen knee...Bad news is: Me car is totaled...It quite possibly is too fucked up to be fixed...Ugh!!!! When will all this shite luck end?? There HAS to be a light somewhere? I don't want a perfect life, never expected that or asked for it...but GODDAMN!!!!!!

Alien
18 Nov 2002, 04:26
oh... I'm so sorry for you Trent!


I myself a bit better. angry at myself not at others.

micki
18 Nov 2002, 05:55
I feel just like I wanna die....all these constant fights drive me mad and I can't stand them no longer, ARGH!!!...[sad]

Alien
18 Nov 2002, 10:52
I know... sense of life is surviving...

poul e
18 Nov 2002, 13:55
@Trent: Im really sorry to hear about your continuing bad luck. Things must be getting better for you soon!!!

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 14:13
@Poul Thanks

Clare
18 Nov 2002, 14:16
Why do the nicest people always have the worst luck? Sorry to hear about your accident Trent.

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 19:52
Thank you too Clare...I wish I knew on the bad luck part...This has been the shittiest year of me life!!!!!!

AmberVonAvalon
18 Nov 2002, 19:59
*hugs everyone who is down*

http://www.glamourjunkies.com/art/ladysun.jpg

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 20:01
I'm not down...just blood well sore from being knocked around lastnight...I still taste and smell the smoke and the crap that flew out of the airbag at me Bleck!!!!

AmberVonAvalon
18 Nov 2002, 21:07
I'll consider it very good luck, then! Because you are still here with us!

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 21:08
Well, I wouldn't call it good luck...the car is totalled and I have no transportation now with two kids...But Yes, I am fortunate to be here right now...And VERY fortunate that me kids are unscathed!!!!!! That is all I cared about...

Avil
18 Nov 2002, 21:14
quote:Originally posted by Trent

I think if me luck gets any worse I will have to wear a sign that says "Don't stand too close to me...lightning might zap you" Was in another car accident tonight...I am ok..No seriously bad injuries this time...only a very swollen knee...Bad news is: Me car is totaled...It quite possibly is too fucked up to be fixed...Ugh!!!! When will all this shite luck end?? There HAS to be a light somewhere? I don't want a perfect life, never expected that or asked for it...but GODDAMN!!!!!!


ARGH, I think someone has something against you!!
Will you have to buy a new car or something??

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 21:22
Yeah, I have to buy another car...*Looks at the ceiling with frustration*

wii
18 Nov 2002, 21:24
Get a Chevy Malibu Classic - great car, I only paid 700 dollars for mine [wink]

Trent
18 Nov 2002, 21:27
Well..I don't have much choice in the car that I get right now...Beggers can't be choosers...Really would rather have Christine back...but I know that's not going to happen either...fortunately I talked to some friends here and one is a mechanic...she's trying to find me a good deal...she's found one car for $2500...only problem is...I was already in a financial bind before this happened...so that's a bit much for me...I'm still waiting to hear from me friend Roxy and Joney though...we'll see what those two girls can come up with...the women I know here take care of me *Blush* No idea why

AV_defender
20 Nov 2002, 12:32
i really feel like i have missed something important here..Trent why havent you told me this at ICQ?!!!its great to hear it wasnt as serious as your last accident,but still it doesnt feel good at all to know about that there has been another one. if i was a lucky person i would send you a piece of luck, but unfortunately im at the inferiour side too when it comes to luck..but still i can wish you better luck from now on=)

maybe this should belong to the love topic..if i was happy about this happening...i think im falling inlove with an old flame that burnt very strong until he broke my heart. we shared a couple of dances during the weekend and i just felt like fainting when he held me so tight..i dont wanna have my heart more broken that it already is!

micki
20 Nov 2002, 13:24
I'm so sorry to hear about your accident Trent, but I'm also very relieved to hear that it wasn't as serious as the first one, and I'm so happy that you and your kids are allright...
...actually I just read this topic after a few days, and wonder why I haven't seen this before...and I was actually baffled when you spoke something about a car accident in the chat yesterday, but didn't some to think about asking, even if I was confused. Just hit me after the chat when I thought about it...
...*hugs Trent* so good to hear that nothing serious happened, and I'm so sorry about the car. Hope it'll be allright, and I also hope that knee will heal as fast as possible!

Avil
20 Nov 2002, 13:27
Trent, do you want me to buy you a bike? ;)

Trent
20 Nov 2002, 15:37
@All: Thanks for the words...I appreciate them very much...=) Things will be ok...*Hopes*
@Avil: I know you meant that as a joke...so I am not going to get overly upset about that...but, that wasn't funny...

Avil
20 Nov 2002, 21:35
quote:Originally posted by Trent
@Avil: I know you meant that as a joke...so I am not going to get overly upset about that...but, that wasn't funny...


Oh...
Im sorry.

Alien
22 Nov 2002, 11:28
I hate public transport! I hate crowds surrounding me there! I hate it! I've been crashed there so strong today that my left hand was close to breaking! my gold watches cut my skin to blood! I hate it!!!!!!!!

Avil
01 Dec 2002, 20:09
I hate this.

Someone stole my MD some days ago...and yesterday I lost my VISA card, ID-card and some other stuff...*grrrrrrrr*

Alien
01 Dec 2002, 20:16
sorry to hear that Avil... [cry]

Alien
07 Dec 2002, 13:34
hmmm... yesterday it was not very good day...

zipper in my pants broke... there wasn't internet in academy... that book store I went to been evaquating because someone said it was bomb there... *sighs* and I had to go to another one... and I was frozen in the bus... and some idiots stared at me in underground train...

Alien
21 Apr 2003, 09:51
*cries* aaaaaaaaah... [cry]
Nothing works out. Program for work isn't functioning and I have no clue why... and I even have no time to search for mistake.
I don't know what else to write in my diploma to make it 60 pages long... so far I've written only 25 pages... *sighs*
And I haven't finished program for diploma... which I don't really want to do...
I have about 60 hours to finish writing diploma... and about 65 hours to finish program. and 1 week to find mistake in program for work.
yeah... and I always complained that my life was boring... [smile2]

FallenAngel
21 Apr 2003, 10:04
@Alien

Come and join me at work !

If you're still there after an hour and you are not crying for your mammy then you know what madness is !

And that's why I listen to AV to forget the madness ....[laugh]

Agnes
21 Apr 2003, 10:26
Poor Elena... [sad] I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!!!

Alien
21 Apr 2003, 11:21
yeah... I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for myself too. It's not that bad. I believe it all will work out the very last moment as it usually happens.

slam
21 Apr 2003, 18:46
Come on Elena, you're strong. Give it your best shot. I keep the faith for you.